Friday, July 11, 2008


For some reason, I have what Oprah would call “a-ha” moments in the shower. (I would much prefer to have “a-ha” moments like the band, where I step into a weird, line-drawn world with some cutie from the 80s asking me to “take him on,”but whatever…)

This morning, I happened to think of my ex-boyfriend. Not in a fond sense, either. Out of nowhere, I suddenly remembered what life was like when I was with him – I was at his beck and call, visiting him at work, hanging out in his bedroom, going to all his cello concerts and at his side at any time he needed me. It wasn’t a two-way street with him, though, and there were many of my events that he found a way out of, he didn’t visit me at work unless there was a very specific reason to do so, and he didn’t really like hanging out at my house. On top of all this, he was, well… girly. Now, it’s not as if I want some mountain man who burps and scratches all the time, but I need someone who can be a guy’s guy. If a guy primps and preens more than I do, it’s a bad sign.

After this unpleasant memory faded, it was replaced with thoughts of my fiancée and future husband. Whenever I ask him to do something with me or for me, he’s there. He may not like it, and he may whine, but if I say I’d really like him there, he makes every effort to be at my side and be as well-behaved as possible. When we were still living in separate places, he was just as willing to spend time at my place as I was to spend time at his. And on top of this, he also spent his summers working as a camp counselor – getting dirty, tan, and strong through all the activities that make boys into men. He can canoe for hours, he can run miles, he teaches archery and knows how to turn a lonely piece of ground into a comfortable campsite. He can build a shelf, paint a mural, sculpt the human figure, write a song on the piano, and create a website from a blank page. He’s talented, but still discernable as a guy, even though his hair is longer than mine.

As I rinsed the shampoo out of my hair, I had this sudden realization of how unhappy I would have been if I had somehow managed to end up marrying my ex, and how incredibly lucky I am that I instead had a rebound relationship with his roommate that somehow transformed into a more perfect love than you find in storybooks and fairytales. If I had wanted to wake him up, I would have rushed out of the shower right then and kissed him, still dripping all over the carpet. Instead, I smelled his shampoo. A little creepy -yes, but less creepy that your naked, soapy fiancée crawling back into bed with you at 6:15 a.m.

(Before my hair was cut, and his hair grew out. We were on even keel at this point.)

1 comment:

karey m. said...

always good when you realize your choices were good ones...