Wednesday, August 13, 2008

To Maid or Not to Maid

After the last few days in my house, I’ve been thinking about cleaning. Not in the sense of “how the hell am I going to clean all of this up?” but more in the sense of, “who can I find who will clean this up for me?”

I grew up in a house with a stay-at-home-mom (most of the time). Since she was a homemaker, she took the tasks to heart and she made dinner every night (except for the occasional visit to Little Caesar’s), did the laundry and kept the house clean. The kids, of course, had the task of keeping our rooms clean. Which, might I add, I failed horribly at most of the time. Our house was always tolerably clean, however. My mother was no neat freak, so we had piles here and there of random things, and the refrigerator often had at least a few things that smelled like they were starting a new life cycle.

Now, though, I am a “grown-up.” I have my own house. And now I have to clean it. So far, it hasn’t been terrible, but it hasn’t exactly been good. I don’t have the “neat freak” gene, but I do have the “ohmygodthisisstressingmeout” gene when the house gets too cluttered. Right now, we have boxes from our wedding shower littering the kitchen and bedroom, I have random things strewn about the living room, my closet is a total mess, and the pantry is about to eat me alive. And don’t even get me started about the things I haven’t done since we moved in three months ago. Mopped the kitchen? Nope. (Don’t even own a mop.) Cleaned out the refrigerator? Uh-uh. (I think we have a new species of mold in one dish, and maybe it cures cancer. I’m not going to throw away a possible cure to cancer.) Scrubbed the toilet? Yeah right. (Ew.)

I avoid these tasks like crazy. Although, I am motivated to vacuum our new carpet on a regular basis, which I did only twice in the six months we spent at our first apartment.

Hence, I have looked at maid websites to begin estimating what it would cost to have a maid come in every two weeks to do the “big” tasks that I avoid like crazy. Someone to clean the baseboards, and dust everything dustable. Someone to scrub the toilets like they mean it, and not feel like they’re going to vomit through the whole thing. Someone to rinse out the bottom of the kitchen trash can and bleach the bathtub and clean the fan blades. Lord knows it’ll take a lot of motivation for me to do these things.

I don’t know if, in the end, I’ll actually be able to go through with it. I think there’s some sort of hard-wiring that prevents some of us women to give up on any domestic duty. It’s like we’ve failed our second X chromosome. I feel like someone must have whispered in my ear when I was born, “You’re never going to be able to get away from housework – it is your DESTINY….” which was followed by weird echoing and possibly a David Bowie song with great synthesizers.


If I lived here, at least it would be easy to clean. No corners. Plus, who wouldn't want to live in a giant fruit on the highway? Via Ffffound

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