Thursday, January 29, 2009

Translation, Please?

When you first begin to write papers, your words are very limited. Our teachers helped us learn new transition words, so we didn’t rely on “Firstly” and “In conclusion…” for every paper. They probably got tired of those words real quick.

I think the same thing is happening in business, because business jargon is all sorts of diversified. They talk about rocks and music and conflict, and – although it sounds like it would be interesting – it’s really just the most boring thing you’ve ever heard put into new words.

When I first started working here, the jargon confused me. I couldn’t understand what they were trying to say. So here today I provide you a translation of all the new ways to say old thinigs.

“Listen to the music.” Translation: Find out what the eff is going on.
“Have fierce dialog.” Translation: Talk about what the eff is going on.
“Engage in good conflict.” Translation: Fight about what the eff is going on.
“The big rocks.” Translation: All the big effing things going on.
“Have the tough conversation.” Translation: Talk uncomfortably about what the eff is going on.
“Tee up projects.” Translation: Get ready to take care of the effing things going on.
“Vette that issue for us.” Translation: We don’t care what the eff is going on, but you’re welcome to waste your time on it.
“Roll it out aggressively.” Translation: Get the effing things going. Now.

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