Wednesday, April 29, 2009

High-Heel No-No


There are some women, who I want to pull aside and say, “Listen. Not every woman was meant to wear heels. And just because you put a pair on and they elongate your legs and make you feel sexy, doesn’t mean you should wear them anyway. Because – and I hate to be the one to tell you this – you walk in them like someone has placed a large object in your ass, and you haven't figured out to remove it. Just stop. Wear flats. Wear tennis shoes. But please, GOD, don’t wear heels again.”

3 comments:

Arlynn said...

Ooohhh... I LOVE high heels & I hope I don't walk that way because I adore them so : - )

Jenn said...

Me, too. And I'm constantly worried about the way I walk when I wear them. I wish there were a way to know, without someone having to tell you, that you are walking weird...

Joel said...

You didn't ask for this, but for the sake of all of the women out there who shouldn't wear heels but are convinced they must try: I feel the same way about high heels as I do about too much mascara. Yeah, sure they can be a nice accent on occasion (and even that is iffy), but I don't think they do as much for most women as those women think they do; maybe some guys consider them a turn on but, meh, I mostly don't; they mostly remind me of certain church ladies (think Tammy Faye Baker) and certain other, um, unchurch ladies (if you know what I mean); the human form (especially the female form) looks so much better so much less (at least more simply) adorned.

Don't get me wrong, some women look great in heels (and I'd say you're one of them, Jennifer). But it makes me sad that so many women put themselves through what sure looks like considerable pain for what is, I'm pretty sure, the opposite of the intended effect.

What's really funny is that I was married to a woman more than a foot shorter than me . . . and she wore flats at our wedding (and otherwise eschewed heels). But she was beautiful and I didn't so much mind that she sometimes made me feel freakishly tall.

I'm reminded of the immortal words of Ric Ocasek: "She's so beautiful now, she doesnt wear her shoes . . ."