Monday, August 10, 2009

Baby Fever [aka NO - I'm not pregnant]

For being from Oklahoma, I got married late in life. So many Oklahoma girls see college as their chance to get married, and many are planning weddings during their junior/senior years or immediately after graduating. I, however, always had it in my head that 26 was the perfect age to marry. It was when my mother married. I thought, surely, waiting until this age would give me several years in my twenties with my husband, allowing us to run around and have fun, and then start having children just as we came up on our 30s.

The problem with this, however, is that since so many Oklahoma girls get married at 22 and 23, they have already enjoyed those couple of child-free years of marriage, and are now blissfully beginning the journey of parenthood. My high school friends’ facebooks have turned into a collage of binky-clad, boppy-loving children and pictures of beaming grandparents holding something looking amazingly like Yoda sans the Jedi robes.

So, here I am, freshly married and wanting desperately to enjoy the oneness of our duo, before we make it a trio. It’s so hard, though, when I look around me and everyone is pregnant or enjoying (aka struggling through) the first few months of having a new child. Some days it’s easy. I think about how great it is to decide to go out to dinner and not to have to worry about if they have booster chairs or if it’s kid friendly. I love being able to go to the gym after work without having to make arrangements for childcare. There’s a freedom of being childless that I know I’m not ready to give up.

But, in every woman (I think) there’s this urge to create a tiny person with the big person you love. I literally cannot wait to have my Mister’s children. To see him interact with a baby. To watch him teach a little boy all the secret talents he has. To see him stare at a little girl with complete confusion.

Today, I feel very strongly that I don’t want children for a while. That maybe in a year or two we could start “trying.” But yesterday, I was feeling pretty much the opposite. Between a baby shower and a visit to Babies R Us, I was ready to attack my Mister in the stroller aisle. I feel like I’m walking a tightrope – terrified I might fall, but thinking how fun it could be to land in the net below, even knowing I could never take that decision back again.

(Also, note to self: When you talk about learning to sew, baking weekly and embroidery in the same conversation that you mention going to Babies R Us, a rumor WILL blossom among work friends. Oops.)


Arlynn said...

Wow you've pretty much detailed my feelings. At. This. Very. Moment.

Crazy :-)

And I'm only 24 - we're not ready to start thinking about it for at least another four years! And yet, when I went to visit a friend and her brand new baby girl yesterday, I was SO ready. Much link the Babies R Us stroller isle...

Thanks for this great post, describing myself in a few paragraphs!

~ Arlynn

p.s. I launches a great giveaway {my very first!!!!} today - stop by and enter!

Jenn said...

I'm glad I'm not the only one. There should be support groups for this kind of thing, really. Where we all sit around and drink tequila and detail the things we can't do when we have kids. Like drink tequila.

Christine said...

We now have more than 10 nocturnal babies (ages: 3 weeks to 2 years) in our little NightWatch community. Half of them belong to people on my worship team. Were I not single, at this moment, even my plans of going to New Zealand would be powerless to stop me.